Our Season’s End ~ 2006

Dear Ones:

It’s been a busy summer, full of visitors and activities and now the warm days of summer have given way to the cooler days of fall here in Estonia. The leaves are already turning to brilliant colors of yellows, oranges and reds, and this little country is a beautiful sight to behold. We’ve treasured up in our hearts the fellowship we’ve shared these past few months and look forward to God’s blessings for the future.

Just a few weeks after our return to Estonia in April, we began welcoming visitors from the Granbury church in Granbury, Texas. From June until mid-September, we were privileged to have many members from our sponsoring congregation join us to help in the work of the church in Tartu and to offer support to our family. Our many encouragers included Bobbie Bertram, the Wims, Hughes, Caseys, Turners and Millers. Each group spent about 3-4 weeks with us and blessed us in so many ways as they helped with bible studies, teaching, preaching, song leading, cooking and fellowships. We had a great time traveling throughout Estonia with each of them; sharing with them the uniqueness of this country and enjoying getting to know it better ourselves.

The Wims and the Hughes joined us at Camp Balchyoca in July. Our theme for this year was ‘Sing and Be Happy’ and we did just that! A great group of folks from Alabama/Texas joined us as well and led us in song throughout the week.  We lifted our voices loudly to the Lord and God blessed us all by lifting us up in love and fellowship with one another. 

Brandi continued with his regular bible studies throughout the weeks of the summer and the young people spent their summer working on two special projects. Under Penny’s and Merlin’s direction, a new clown ministry called Tartu Clowns for Christ, designed to reach out to the underprivileged and ill children of Estonia, was begun. Seven precious servants spent their Tuesday evenings learning how to walk, talk and act like ‘clowns’. They played with make-up and costumes, and even tried their hands at making balloon animals. A few weeks ago, they made their first visit to a children’s orphanage here in Tartu (see photos in Aug. 22 entry). Plans are being made to visit more facilities/hospitals in the near future and we can’t wait to see what God is going to do with these amazing ministers wearing red noses.

The girls also worked on a service project for the Homeless Shelter. They spent their Thursday afternoons cutting, ironing and sewing up a storm. They have just completed 68 drawstring bags and filled them with toiletries, winter socks, and goodies to share with those who have so little. The girls have come to understand that it truly is ‘more blessed to give than receive’. We’ll be delivering those to the shelter very soon.

September is almost over, university students are bustling about, school has started again and regular class schedules are back in force. We are already seeing folks on their sidewalks sweeping away leaves and in their yards, stacking the wood that they will very soon use to heat their homes. Everyone is gearing up for what we are told is going to be a hard, cold winter in Estonia.

More personally for us, September 15^th marked the 8-month anniversary of our son Dustin’s death in Iraq. We wish we could tell you that with the passing of time, the pain of our loss has diminished. It has not. In some ways, we’ve come to discover that it has actually become more difficult. Maybe it’s because the shock of his death has started to wear off and we are faced with the reality of his absence. Maybe it’s because though God continues to give us comfort and peace in our hurt, we will never be the same again.

Losing a child is like having a part of you amputated, though in truth, it feels more like your heart has been ripped from your body. Like learning to live with a physical amputation, we are learning to live without what we’ve lost. Even so, we will never stop missing him or longing for his presence … and we’ll always walk differently than we did before. Our other children have shared the same feelings … the feeling that part of them has been taken away and we are all naturally feeling desperate to protect the blessings we’ve been given in one another.

Over the years, God has developed in us, two very distinct visions; to be on mission with Him and to raise a healthy family after God’s own heart. We have counted our work in Estonia as a part of fulfilling that God-given vision. However, the challenges we’ve encountered these past few months have forced us to seek a better understanding of our responsibilities, both in our roles as missionaries and as parents. Our hearts have been very conflicted as we’ve sought God’s guidance and direction, and sought counsel from those we respect and honor. We have prayed, fasted, and laid our desires before the Lord and asked for wisdom to see his direction clearly.

Sometimes it is difficult to know when the Lord would have you stand up and fight for His cause … for what you believe is the vision He has laid before you … and when He would have you surrender to a plan that you don’t fully understand. Sometimes, it’s hard to know which you are confronting. After Dustin’s death, we believed that God would have us fight for our mission work and return to Estonia. It was with confidence that we did just that. Now, as we face the pressing needs of our family and the need to rest and heal, we believe that God is directing us to surrender to a plan that truthfully, we do not fully understand.

We have come to love and cherish the people of Estonia in a very profound way. It’s because of this, that our hearts are deeply saddened at the thought of saying goodbye to them at this time but we feel sure it’s the decision that God has led us to. In order to best care for our family, it is time to return to the States. As the summer season comes to an end in Estonia, so our season here comes to an end as well. For us, this season has felt far too short. Even so, we know that God’s love for these people far exceeds our own and that He will not only take care of us, He will take care of them as well. We have full confidence in our God who says … “Trust me” … “I have a plan for you” … “My ways are not your ways”, so we are placing ourselves and the church we love so much, in His hands. We know we’ll all be safe there.

Our plans are to leave Estonia around the first part of December. We are honored to have been invited to be a part of the work at the Granbury Church in Granbury, Texas for the next year, and prayerfully, long beyond that. God has blessed us with an amazing sponsoring congregation who has cared for us and held us up in our greatest hour of need, and we look forward to serving with them there.

We want to take this opportunity to say to you, once more, how much your continued love and concern has ministered to us in a most difficult time. We ask that you continue to pray for us and for the church in Tartu as we make this transition.

May God bless you all as you strive to fulfill the vision He has developed in you.

Continuing “On Mission” with God,

Brandi, Penny and Kayli Kendall

My mother used to say "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get". I'm beginning to understand that all too well. As such things go, it seems I am indeed 'behinder' on my xanga entries (sorry Clint) and am once again trying to find a way to wrap up the happenings of a large span of time into a small space.

Our last couple of weeks have been full ... busy but good. We have been enjoying the company of the Millers since their arrival on the 30th. We went to Tallinn a day early so that we could meet with the Warpole's, the Banks and Nikolai for our first planning session for camp 2007. Got to celebrate Mike's birthday while we were there. Mike is a super-duper runner so we gave him this really cool belt-lamp that he could use when he was running in the dark. Problem is ... turns out it wasn't for his belt after all ... turns out it went on his head. I'm afraid instead of looking all cool like we thought he would, he ended up looking more like a miner. It sure was good for a big laugh ... and as usual, Mike was gracious enough to think of lots of things he could use it for besides running. We also enjoyed a game of Canasta. Even though it was Mike's birthday, Deb and I got to write OUT! on the scorepad (which means we finally got to be the winners). I wouldn't go so far as to say we would NOT have won without it, but Mike did impart some grace that allowed us to reach a higher score than we would have without it. Thanks Mike!

School started again on September 1 ... Kayli started her new school year as well. The girls had a 'Back to School Sleepover' that night. We were blessed to have a couple of visitors ... Chelsea and Amalie ... so glad you could come, girls. Cary and Brandi joined us for a while. We did a bit of singing and Brandi taught the girls some of his famous tricks. While Brenda and I were there, the girls played 'Nertz', worked on filling their bags for the Homeless Shelter, and then they had some creative fun decorating 'friendship pillowcases'. At midnight, we left the girls to their own devices (just kidding, Pille stayed and made sure they were good). They tell me they watched movies, played more games ... ate and ate ... and apparently surfed while using the air mattress I had left for Pille. Could be where that hole came from.

Evelin celebrated her 20th birthday on the 4th. We had a wonderful time sharing in her birthday hospitality ... she's a great cook and a wonderful hostess. Thanks, Barbie, for including us in your family celebration. We love you!!

Cary and Brenda have been a great help with studies, etc. and have also been a wonderful encouragement to us. We've taken a few road trips and basked in the beautiful scenery of Estonia. We've played a fair share of card games, which either Brenda or Kayli always win. And ... I am afraid that neither of them are very gracious winners.

This past Thursday and Friday, we ran away with the Millers to Riga, Latvia. We've been here two years and haven't had a chance to make that trip.  We stopped along the way to take a few photos of the countryside and found this quaint little roadside restaurant to have a bite to eat. Had some strange dinner guests though ~ smile. 

Riga was bustling with people but the weather was just perfect for taking in the gorgeous scenery and history of this amazing city. Enjoyed the street vendors, bought a few Christmas gifts ... and took in a little culture at the open market (that was for you, Ambrosia).

True fellowship is felt when joys ...  and sorrows ... can be shared from the heart. It's been a wonderful blessing to share true fellowship with the Millers. We will hate to see them leave on Wednesday. Please pray that God will take them safely home to the families that love them and miss them.

I've tried to find the words to share the thoughts that have weighed upon my heart these past few days ... the knowing, the understanding, the hurting for those who have lost and grieve. 

September 11, 2001 rocked our country ... close to 3000 died that day. I can't help but think and pray for the families of those who were lost and how their lives were changed forever. Of course, those are not the only ones who felt loss that day ... or would feel the affect from it later. Like the water that has experienced the impact of a rock thrown upon it ... every choice, every action, every experience ... ripples over the lives of others.

I remember watching the events unfold on the news the morning it all began. If I could have forgotten, I was once again reminded as I watched for a moment the replays of those broadcasts by streamline video online yesterday. I felt sick to my stomach as those feelings of shock and disbelief came to confront me once more.

We couldn't have known that day that the ripple would soon encompass our own family in a very profound way. We couldn't have known that day that our son, Cpl. Dustin Lee Kendall, would take up arms to provide freedom for those he had never met, to provide freedom for those he loved and to do his part to make sure that a tragedy like September 11, 2001 never happened again. We couldn't have known that day that he would die on Iraqi soil fighting for what he believed was more important than his own life  ... but he did ... and the ripple from September 11 came to meet us full force. 

Sometimes ripples feel more like waves and they threaten to knock you down. Sometimes you have to fight just to stand up ... gracefulness is not a concern or an option ... you are just fighting with everything you have to stay on your feet and not land on your face in the water. Sometimes you feel totally alone in your struggle and you fear that your fatigue from fighting will eventually overtake you. Sometimes you feel like you are in the last moments of going under and drowning. And, to be truthful ... sometimes you are almost willing to give up and let it happen.

A friend reminded me shortly after Dustin's death, that God gives us the exact amount of grace we need to handle whatever situation He allows us to be in. I'm so thankful for that truth ... and for that promise. When my strength for fighting is exhausted, when my arms stop flailing and splashing about, when I am sure I'm about to drown, and when there is silence ... I hear God's call to surrender ... and when I do, He holds me up.

"Fear not ... when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you ... For I am the Lord, your God"   Isaiah 43:2,3

May you know His grace, may you surrender to His care and may you feel the arms that hold you up so that the waters will not sweep over you.

Riina was 18 years old this week ...

Happy Birthday, Miss Sweetie

We Love You !!

Well, it's been a pretty busy couple of weeks so I'm having to back track a bit ... so much to share! If a picture is truly worth a thousand words, then I will give you a short synopsis (minus a few thousand words) and let the photos do the real talking.

Jared's Visit ...  great talks, lots of hugs, memories shared, tears shed, sight-seeing, stork sighting, photos, short week, saying good-bye ... again.

Brandi's birthday ... Bank's visited, tour of Old Town, photos, celebration, 20 friends gathered, gumbo, chocolate cake with cream cheese/coconut/pecan icing, some people ate the icing from the bowl with a spoon, Drew helped Brandi open gifts.

Saturday on the Square ... learning to play with stick thingies, friendship, fellowship, laughter.

A Day in Viljandi ... visit to churches, walk on the hill, castle ruins overlooking the lake, old Estonian swing, suspension bridge, kissing hill, outdoor cafe.

The Church ... bible studies, friendships made, God's word shared, worship, singing night, laughter, fellowship, meals, service projects, clown class ... laughter.

The Turner's / Casey's headed back to the States on Tuesday. Our summer classes have ended and we are making plans to start our regular fall schedule after the first of September. Our next few days will be filled with lesson planning and getting everything organized for Kayli to start school on the 1st, we have our first meeting for Camp Bal-Chy-Oca 2007 on the 29th and then we welcome the Miller's from Texas on the 30th. 

Life is full ... God continues to bless.

It is so true that it is more blessed to give than receive.  Our very special group of young people proved that today.

The Tartu Clowns for Christ

had their first 'performance' and they were blessed to bring a bit of laughter and joy to a small group of children at the LasteKodu Käopesa ~

The Bird's Nest Children's Home

Six of our clowns met up at our flat this morning (the other two are gadding about in Europe) to put on their makeup and costumes. Brandi, me and our wonderful group of clown ministers headed out to share a smile and lots of hugs with a precious bundle of itsy-bitsy souls. Brandi did some clowning around even though he didn't have a costume .. and I was just the photographer (even though I did receive an occasional hug and kiss on the cheek).

Today turned out to be very rainy and chilly so our clowns quickly learned that flexibility is the key to success. Their plans to entertain the children outside had to be readjusted but even the tiny playroom didn't dampen their spirits. The first few moments were a bit scary for the children but it was amazing to watch our young people interact with them and put them at ease. They all acted silly, did a few pre-planned routines and loved on the children. Before long, little people from other parts of the house began to trickle in and quickly joined in the fun.

All in all, I think the clowns were satisfied with their day. They were in such a good mood when we left, they waved at people all the way home. This isn't a common occurance in Estonia so some pretended they didn't see them, some did a double-take and some just shook their heads. Even though Merlin was the most active 'waver' she didn't seem excited about doing that in her own neighborhood ... and her, Heidi and Tallis ran real fast into their house when we dropped them off ... funny, huh?

The only thing that would have made ME enjoy it anymore would have been if I could have brought a few of those little cherubs home with me!

The following article, written lovingly by my daughter, Courtney, has been accepted for publication in an upcoming Compassionate Friends, "We Need Not Walk Alone" Magazine. Compassionate Friends is a grief support network for those who have lost children, and siblings and is a blessing to many who are hurting. Since most of you, thankfully, will have no need to read that magazine, I'd like to share her article with you here. 

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Comfort Food

by Courtney Steed

My brother joined the Army Reserves when he was 18. He joined, having been romanced by ideas of glory and heroism and a paid for college education. He was in three years as a Reservist before he chose to enter the Army in full time service. Of course, our family challenged this idea, there is a war going on, after-all.

He assured us that he would not be deployed, that he would be safe from Iraq. I am not sure any of us believed him, somehow we knew he was destined for such great things. When he arrived for his first assignment at Fort Carson, Colorado, he was welcomed with orders to deploy to Iraq within 6 weeks. He left the Monday after Thanksgiving, 2005. After spending three weeks in Kuwait, he arrived in Iraq a few days before Christmas.

He had been unable to take anything with him to Iraq, besides what had been issued and some personal clothing and pictures. He was not able to receive packages until the week after Christmas, so we sent him a 'stocking' box then. We filled it with the requested beef jerky and deodorant, as well as lots of granola bars, Skittles (his favorite) and shareable goodies.

The last time I talked to my brother, he had received his package and was extremely grateful for the 'awesome' box. He specifically mentioned the granola bars, saying he wasn't gonna share those with anyone. He had to rush off the phone, saying a quick 'love you, Court' and he would call back soon. How I wish he would've.

He was killed no less than three weeks after he arrived in Iraq.

Six months after he died, we learned that he had been very protective of his granola bars. His friends said that he shared everything, except his granola bars. They laughed at his protectiveness and shared with us how that had stuck with them. Even more so, was the day that they were on patrol and they ran into a group of Iraqi children. The granola bars with which my brother had been so stingy were unselfishly shared among them.

It's been seven months since the Lord took my brother home. There are many days that are dark and none go by without remembering his smile and heart. It always warms my heart, however, to realize how even granola bars can bring comfort ... if they are in the right hands.

The Casey's and the Turner's are here and busy working. They've been helping with our English/Bible studies and our regular classes have continued.

Our 'clowns' got together for class on Tuesday and the girls sewed all day on Thursday before we had our devotional and shared a meal together. We are almost finished with our drawstring bags for the homeless shelter... just have to add the cords and fill them with toiletries, socks and other goodies. Prayerfully, we'll be ready to deliver those in the next few weeks, just in time for the cold weather to settle in. Our next service project will be making baby booties for the new Christian Crisis Pregnancy Center that will be opening here in September.

Kayli and I enjoyed a day out with our Texas girls on Wednesday. Did a bit of shopping, found a couple of 'old treasure' shops (where Margie found an itty-bitty beer stein from Narva to use as a toothpick holder), ate Estonian pancakes at a quaint little coffee shop in Old Town and did a little walking in the square. It's always fun to have some 'girl' time every now and then.

Friday, we all piled in the van and headed to Rakvere. The drive north is beautiful with green trees, meadows, lakes and rolling hills. On the way, we found tiny towns tucked in the trees and spotted several steeples which Brandi absolutely had to seek out. We always enjoy stopping and photographing the old churches of Estonia. The history in them is awesome.

When we got to Rakvere, we re-discovered a neat little 'Inglise Pubi' where we sat in the garden and enjoyed a nice lunch before our hike up the hill to the castle ruins. The castle is only partially in tact but the courtyards are full of fun things to do and the rooms inside contain swords, helmets, and all sorts of implements to allow young ... and old ... imaginations to run wild.

We pray that your day is full of things that spark your imagination and help you realize the awesome blessings of God.

We should appreciate the HERE and NOW ... 'Cause it's only HERE NOW! ~ Ziggy

Had a great day today!

Jaime has been here for a couple of days ... she made a special trip from Tallinn to hold a one-on-one 'Digital Darkroom' class just for me. She spent the day teaching me how to crop, clone, sharpen, blur, lasso, color correct, batch process, read histogram levels ... and heal. I learned how to create a PowerPoint slide show (with music) and remove unwanted items from a photo. My favorite unwanted thing to remove ... those unsightly blemishes that mess up an otherwise beautiful face. I'm so excited about that! Now, if I could just figure out how to remove the double chin and the saggy arms, that would be something. Guess that will have to wait for a more skilled surgeon than I am. =0).

Above all, the fellowship of a precious young lady has been the greatest blessing we've enjoyed today. Last night, we cooked chicken-fried steak, which she says is her favorite and tonight Brandi spoiled her with grilled hamburgers that she says she's been craving for quite some time. At least she won't leave here hungry.

Anyway ... she and I have had some wonderful 'mother-daughter' talks ... and Kayli and her have been telling stories and giggling all evening. So good to hear those giggles.

Hope you are blessed with fellowship and lots of giggles in your life today.