January 15, 2008

• HEAVENLY SKY-DIVING ...

   

  I had a dream a few nights ago. I dreamed that I was looking up at Dustin as he was free-falling through the air (as if he had just skydived from an airplane). His arms were outstretched, the wind was blowing across his face and that smile that will be forever etched in my memory was wide across his face. His eyes were sparkling in delight the way they did when he was feeling happiest. In my dream, I was close enough to him to attempt to reach out and grab him ... to embrace him and keep him from leaving me again ... but I couldn't. I tried to hold on to him but the radiance that surrounded him could not be contained.

  I can't believe it's been two years since he left us. Hard to believe that that much time could have passed already. I've been replaying the imagined scenes of his accident in my mind ... and the seconds that seemed to move in slow motion when we first heard of his death. I've also imagined what it must have been like the moment that the angels surrounded him and escorted him to the side of his Lord. What a magnificent moment that must have been!

  I have to tell you that missing him has gotten harder instead of easier. The time that everyone promises will bring healing to my wounded heart has simply not come yet. I'm not sure it ever will. My heart hurts not for him as much as for me .. for us ... our family ... his friends. My heart hurts for those who loved him so dearly and feel somehow cheated out of the time we thought we would have with him. My heart hurts because I love him so much ... and I wanted more time to laugh with him ... and to share with him. I felt so proud when I watched him walk down the aisle to his Army graduation and I had so looked forward to the moment when he would walk down the aisle with the love of his life. I had looked so forward to the day he would hold his own child in his arms the way I had held him. There was so much I looked forward to ... so much I will not share with him on this earth. But, of all the things that I looked forward to the most ... I looked forward to sharing Paradise with him. For that looking forward, my hope is still fresh and my comfort is so great.

  Dustin was indeed a free spirit ... one who seemed to seek out an 'adrenalin rush' at every turn. I used to jokingly ask him if he got up every morning trying to figure out how to make his mother crazy. He had already gone bungi-jumping, cliff diving, four wheeling, street racing, who knows what else ... and he dreamed of skydiving some day. I can easily picture Dustin in his heavenly home jumping off cliffs without a parachute .. and totally loving it. I can easily envision him free-falling with his arms outstretched and the wind on his face ... his smile wide and his eyes sparkling with delight.

  A few times since that night that I dreamed about him, I have truthfully questioned if I was really dreaming or if I had been privileged to get a tiny peek into his presence in Paradise. I would like to think so! I would like to think so because believing that makes it a little easier to let go ... a little easier to accept the fact that I cannot hold on to him on this earth. For now, I will hold on to him in my heart ... and some day, I'll get one of those bearhugs of his that I've been longing for so badly.

  We'll never forget and our love will never go away!

  Cpl. Dustin L. Kendall to so many, simply Dustin to us.

  Note: You are welcome to visit Penny's Photography blog for pics of Dustin's service at Arlington

   

  • 7:16 pm
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